Hearts of the fathers

Have you ever had a ‘why didn’t I see that before’ moment when reading Scripture? I was reading Luke 1 and I had one of those moments. Referring to John the Baptist, Luke 1:17 says that “he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children… to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” Did you get that? How did John make ready the people for the coming of the Lord? Turn the hearts of the fathers to their children! Could it be that we will see the same preparation for the second coming of the Lord? This has implications at many different levels, don’t you think? How can I as a father prepare the way for the Lord’s coming? Turn my heart (attention, focus, energy, resource, time,etc) toward my children! How can we as a church prepare the way of the Lord? Channel the previous generation’s attention, focus, energy, and resources toward the next generation.  I wonder why I never saw this before. I wonder why I have never heard a single message on this before… More importantly, why is the Spirit of God highlighting this to me now?

whispers of God

It has been a long time since I last blogged. So many things are going on that it is hard to capture it in writing, yet without it, so many things coagulate into nothing. Actually that is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Busy doing so many things, yet accomplishing nothing. And then, for the past couple weeks, I have been hearing repeated whispers from God. It’s strange. In the most unexpected moments, He whispers to my ears with crystal clarity. If I wasn’t alone, I would have thought someone was right beside me whispering into my ears. Funny thing is… He always whispers the same thing… Every time He whispers, it’s the same thing… Do you wanna know what it is? “Wonsuk… seek me…”

“Lord, I seek You with all my heart!!”

Tears… Goosebumps… Electricity… Tongues… Hour passes by in an instant.

Lord I seek You!

Edge of the Cliff

I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff. For past six months, I have been out of pastoral ministry in a church setting. I have been worshiping at a phenomenal church here in Virginia Beach. For the first time in my life, I have been part of a non-Korean church. For the first time in a long time, I am sitting in the pews rather than standing on the stage on Sunday mornings. This experience has been absolutely life changing for me. So much is going on in my mind on Sunday mornings as I worship God from the “other” side.
I have been working many hours at my frozen yogurt store. When I started this, I never meant for this to be my only source of income and THE place of my employment. However, it is what it is. (My new favorite saying).
Working here at the store, interacting with customers, doing the mundane work of cleaning, sweeping, mopping… have all been such a learning experience for me. I can’t explain how valuable this experience has been for me. It has been tough. I have had days where I was consumed with financial concerns. I have had days where I doubted whether God was going to get us through certain situations. There were times when I was filled with absolute desperation to hear God as I was driving to church only to have that desperation remain with me as I drove away from church. All these experiences have informed my own understanding of God, my philosophy of ministry, and my values as a Christian and a pastor.
Now, I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I am about to jump off into a new world of church planting…

Scared… excited… anxious… thankful… don’t want to do it if I had a choice… can’t see myself doing anything else… about to pee in my pants… can’t contain the excitement… ahhhh…  the beauty of human emotions gushing through my system right before jumping off the cliff…  screaming like a little girl…

A pastor sunk in a funk…

It’s been six months since I resigned from my full time ministry position.

So, what are you doing nowadays?
Well, I am at Yo Mama trying to weather the series of snow storms we’ve been having and trying to keep this business afloat.

What are your future plans?
Well, God has put a dream in my heart and a small group of young men, affectionately called the Knights, are on board with this dream. We are praying and working out this dream with fear and trembling.

Anything interesting happening in your life?
Well, couple things. For one, my sister-in-law’s family moved in to our home. It’s been pretty cool to have another man around the house, though he brought two women with him. It’s a full house but I feel better knowing that my wife and kids have company while I try to provide for my family, which I am not doing a good job of. Secondly, I am having a dialog with myself. Interesting thing about this is that I have always done that in my head, but now I am actually writing them. Scary… Have I gone psycho?

I don’t think so. You may be feeling little gloom. Are you?.. Feeling little gloom?
Yes, I am! How did you know? Actually, I am in a little funk. What does a pastor to when he is sunk in a funk?

You know what to do.
It was a rhetorical question, man…

Ex-Bridge Builders

Lately, I have been in conversations with some Korean-American pastors of FOB (“Fresh Off the Bihangee”) descent who are on a quest to find a different kind of church. As a fellow FOB, I understood all too well their struggles, disappointments, and sorrows over the condition of their churches.  There was no need to expound, explain, reiterate… They were using terms and phrases that were running around in my big head for years. We all embraced our calling to serve Korean-American churches because we thought we could bridge the gap that exists between the two cultures within one household. We felt privileged to serve His body with this unique calling. We were all so full of hope that with much patience and endurance along with much prayer and humility, we could do this well. We knew that the task wasn’t easy, but we knew that if anyone could do it, we as 1.5 generations could do it.  We have been well-equipped to be bridge builders between cultures and generations.  Fast forward several years… we are all leaving or thinking about leaving our first-generation Korean-American churches, realizing that our hopes of yesterdays are naive at best and wasteful at worst.  So where do we go from here?  After all, last time I checked kamr.org (‘Korean-American Ministry Resource), no church had listed “Ex-Bridge Builders” as a requirement for their EM pastor.  So where do we go from here?  Where do ex-bridge builders go to serve God’s Kingdom?  What does God have in stored for us ex-bridge builders?  Any ideas?

Chronicle of the Knights of the Yo Mama Table Part 2

When the Knights assembled again, the head knight had an order from the King:  Stop everything and Pray!  He had given clear orders to us to stop talking about a vision statement, to halt every aspect of what we had been discussing for past several weeks. King’s order was clear: stop and pray. Knights obeyed. Knights prayed. Meeting adjourned.

Following week, we met again. We sensed that we lacked clarity of His voice. We were little caught off guard with the King’s command to stop and pray. Pray for what? Pray how? After a week of prayer, we were more confused. We were on course to start a non-profit organization that would raise funds and hand deliver them to the needy all over the world. We had a plan to send one of our Knights to China this summer to scope out some possible opportunities. It all seemed to be pleasing to the King.  But the King had ordered everything to stop.

We needed clarity. So we prayed for clarity of the King’s voice. We asked that the King would open our sensibilities to hear His voice with clarity, to see His dreams with definition, and to sense His heart beat in harmony. This was our prayer that week. This was a prophetic prayer. This was a prayer that the King would answer in ways we never imagined. This was the prayer that would set us on a journey that we are in now… Lord, let us hear your voice!!!  The King loves to answer this prayer.  Perhaps, you too should pray this prayer…

Chronicle of the Knights of the Yo Mama Table Part 1

My resignation went into effect on October 1st. On that day, a chapter of my life ended and another chapter opened. I knew the plot of the one that ended. But the one that opened, I had no idea.

On the eve of October 1st, two men of God and I met together with the purpose of celebrating (oops… did I say ‘celerbating’? I meant ‘mourning‘) over my departure from Korean churches (hopefully forever) and strategizing how we can actualize God’s dream over us. What started out as a casual, somewhat humorous and fanciful discussion over IHOP pancakes has led to a movement of God’s Spirit among a handful of men that is, slowly but surely, spreading to others…

Now we meet at least twice a week for at least 2 1/2 hours. We experience the Presence of God like never before. We hear and see God’s pleasures with clarity. It has been over two months since that October 1st evening. So much has happened since our first meeting. I think it’s time to chronicle our journey.

We call ourselves “the Knights of the Yo Mama Table.” Yo Mama is my frozen yogurt store, a place that has become a holy ground for the Knights. It is corny. But that’s how we do…

October 1st: First meeting of the Knights. Three of us met to discuss how we can start a non-profit organization to raise and deliver funds to the needy all over the world.  Very romantic… absolutely unrealistic. We had caught something of God’s heart for the world.  We didn’t have any money, so we had unlimited budget.  All we knew was that we just could not sit and do nothing.

For the next three weeks, we (five of us) met regularly to discuss what this organization was going to look like. We started dreaming.  With unlimited resources, we started to discuss the scope of this organization.  No idea was too big or fantastic to be brought to the Yo Mama Table.  At this Table, God was our King and we were His Knights to bring His justice throughout His Kingdom.

We needed a clear vision. We adjourned our meeting with a homework… to think of a catchy vision statement that captures the heart of this organization. This is how the Journey of the Knights began.  The following meeting would bring the Knights into an adventure of their lives.  The journey had taken a turn and the Knights would never be the same.  Just to whet your appetites:  we met King Arthur…  gold dust fairy sprinkled her dust over us… we battled wolves.. we met other Knights with skills that we didn’t have… we trained under the (Holy Spirit) Drunken Masters, we survived a historic, not-quite-Noah-like, flood here in our city…  Knights cried together, laughed together, watched the Assassin together…

Yo Mama First Baptist Church

As some of you know, I started a frozen yogurt business called Yo Mama about two months ago. And if you read my last post, you would know that two months after I started a business, I resigned from my position as a pastor at my church. A coincidence? Well… Christians don’t believe in coincidences, right? We call it God’s sovereignty. So that is how I accept it.

So what is a pastor doing with Yo Mama? That kinda sounds scandalous!  Let me rephrase that.  What is a pastor doing starting a business?  What does business have to do with spirituality? Well, let me share my experience with you…

1. I am talking to real people. People with issues. People with families. People who need some space for little joy and peace from their hectic lives. People who don’t talk christianese nor wear their halo before walking out of their house.  I am getting to know the people who live within miles from our church. Does this have anything to do with God’s calling for me as a preacher of the gospel?

2. I am talking to other Christians. I have had some of the deepest conversations with our church folks at Yo Mama. I guess my church office isn’t exactly an inviting space for deep conversations. Figure that! I have had the privilege of praying for a pastor couple who just had an incredible spiritual experience. I doubt they would have “dropped” by my church. I have had a privilege of encouraging a couple from another church down the street, leaving for their first mission trip the next day!!  Does this have anything to do with my Christian responsibility?

3. I am finding out about other churches in my city! We have this thing where we give 20% off if people bring their church bulletins on Sunday (yes, we are open on Sundays. Keep your grump to yourself. I heard it all!). I know what First Chinese Baptist Church pastor preached last week. I know what is going on in Atlantic Shore Baptist Church (btw, they have the best bulletin I have ever seen!) And I know what is NOT going on in some of the churches…  I feel little more connected to my brothers and sisters in my city.  Does that have anything to do with my spirituality?

4. I am understanding the mindset of those who are sitting through my preaching week after week. Do we (I include myself in this now) really need to be reminded that we are messed up and God’s mad at us? Do we really need another guilt trip about not serving in the children’s ministry or not waking up for the morning prayer meetings? Well, that depends, I guess. But I do know that we NEED to know how to live out our Christian witness in our workplace. We need to know creative ways to pray while we are manning the register. We need to know how we can engage in intercession while interacting with our customers. We need to know how we can carry the sanctuary into our businesses. We need to know how we can run a transparent business. We really need to know how we can fight off the temptation to under-report our sales because taxes will put us in the red. We need to know how we can balance diligence and dependence. We need to know creative ways to maximize what little time we do spend with our families. We need to know how to keep our priorities and not let our work dictate our lives…

Would I have preached on these topics without starting a business? Probably. But now, I know what I am talking about.

So, what’s Pastor Do doing at Yo Mama?  Doing church, I guess… Someone said that I should start a church and call it a “Church that does stuff!” CTDS. Doesn’t really have a good ring to it. Another suggested “Yo Mama First Baptist Church!” Well, I kinda like that… without the “baptist.” Or maybe I can just do all that church is supposed to do without calling it church.. prayer, worship, evangelism, offering, fellowship, discipleship… with one exception…  I will do it from Monday thru Sunday instead of just on Sundays.  Too non-traditional? Yea.. too out there even for me. For now, I will just file it away in the “silly suggestion” folder.

Resigned… now what?

I resigned from my church. Well, actually, it won’t be effective until end of September. Why did I resign? Well… many reasons.. too long and may even be too boring. To make a really long story very short, I am tired of making excuses for the way we (Korean Christians) are. There comes a point where we either resign to live with the dysfunctions (in which case, we must keep our silence) or do something different to produce different results. I tried doing the latter. Wasn’t received well. So, I resigned.

How do I feel? What’s my plan?

I feel strange… I am happy to be freed from the tyranny (too strong of a word… maybe not) of Korean-American church culture. I am terrified because I do not know anything else. I am excited to be terrified, because fear makes you do things you never thought you would do, like scream like a little girl or pee in your pants or better yet, frequent the presence of God as often as possible.

What’s my plan? My plan is to find some way to put bread (or rice and/or gahmjahtahng and/or bulgogi and/or kimchi) on the table for my wife and kids. Right now, just about the only thing I can afford is frozen yogurt. Once I figure that out, I want to finish my dissertation. I want to dream. I want to draw.. a caricature of a person I want to lead. I want to draft a blueprint of a church that would most effectively minister to that person. I want to draw closer to God… I want to cultivate an ear to hear His voice. I want to harmonize the beat of my heart to that of Jesus. Once this happens… BAM!!

?????

Professional Clergy

I have been a bit disillusioned with church and ministry lately.  To those who know me, this isn’t a news.  I have been wrecking my brain trying to identify the roots of the disillusionment with honesty and precision.  Sure, the circumstances that precipitated this mid-life ministry crisis (my own ascription) are easily identifiable.  I just can’t seem to get to the root of it…  For the past week or so, I have been reminiscing of the days when I felt most alive spiritually.  I must confess that those days were pre-ordained-full-time-ministry-in-Korean-church days, before my professional clergy days.  This is a sad, but honest confession.  I was thinking about why this is so.  What about becoming a professional clergy that slowly but surely robbed me of my spiritual vitality?  Before I go on, let me say that this is just me, not about any other “professional” clergy.

1. I interact progressively less with “real” people.  By “real” people, I don’t just mean non-believers, though that is probably the biggest group.  Even Christians that I interact with seem to only disclose their “spiritual” side with me.  Sometimes, I don’t even know if I am talking to a real person or just the spiritualized side of the person.  Almost every conversation that I have is about God, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I often wonder whether I was talking to a real person who lives in a real world with real issues, worries, hopes, dreams…  This probably has more to do with me as a pastor and my faith community than anything else, but..  can I get a witness out there?  I know that not too many people read this, but dudes and dudets… can we get real?

2.  I am progressively more concerned with my local church than God’s kingdom at large.  I love the local church.  I believe the local church is God’s primary method of changing cities and nations.  Yet, I feel this growing disconnect with the rest of God’s kingdom.  It becomes an arduous work to stay connected and even partner with the great kingdom of God.  This should not be the case when we have like five churches just on our street alone.  Again, this is more me and my faith community.

3.  I am constantly redirected to care more about systems and programs than people and their lives.

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What was written above was first drafted back in April.  I just forgot to finish it and publish it.  I was probably interrupted by  some menial admistrative duty that comes my way whenever I want to reflect and write…  anyways, I thought I would publish it anyways, though it is few months old…