Balanced Obsession or Obsessively Balanced?

Balance is a value that is instilled in us from very early on in our lives. I was always taught to eat a balanced meal. My dad always told me that too much of a good thing actually ends up harming you. He should have taken his own advice with his alcohol consumption, but that’s another blog for another depressing day.. He would always tell me that moderation is the healthiest way of life. This value of balance/moderation gets communicated to us in many different ways. ‘Don’t watch too much TV!’ or ‘Don’t go outside too much!’ or ‘Don’t stay inside all the time!’ I actually talked with a person yesterday whose parents told her that she studied too much! It is a message that says “Avoid the extremes at all cost!”

These are all calls to a balanced life. I thought that God wanted this kind of “balanced life,” a balanced life that espoused moderation. This is actually taught in some seminaries. Don’t have extreme theological views. Find a peaceful middle. God is sovereign yet human beings are free! Don’t be a hyper-Calvinist or an extreme Arminian. Avoid the extremes like a charismanaic or dispensational cessationist. Don’t be so conservative that you are not open minded nor too liberal that you don’t know what you believe. Just be… well.. “moderate.” We find many moderate Christians in the church today, thinking that moderation equals balance.

Well, opposite of moderation is obsession. Now, that is a bad word. It is often connoted with its cousin word, possession. Similarities are obvious. Other than the excessive number of ’s’s, both lack “balance.” Both are assigned a treatment, medical or otherwise, which indicate its maladic nature. However, could it be that obsession (not possession) more accurately describes biblical Christian life than its opposite?

Lately, I have been obsessed, whether it is a balanced obsession or not depends on whom you ask. If you ask me, I would say, ‘Yes!’ If you ask my wife, she would tell you ‘No!’ But what we both will agree on is that I am obsessed.

How can you not be obsessed when God places His dream in your heart? How can I be “moderate” when I have risked all I have to make that dream come true? Moderation is unreasonable. Obsession is normal.

Have you heard of anyone in history accomplishing great things who wasn’t obsessed? Yet, we have billions of people who are living a “balanced” life or striving to live a balanced life today. Are books written about them? Can you find them in history books? Do others study their lives??? Exactly! Greatness requires obsession. I think balance is overrated. I think living a Christian life necessitates a bit of obsession, don’t you think so? I mean, was Jesus “balanced”? I don’t think so. He was absolutely obsessed over his mission on earth. Was Paul “balanced”? Are you kidding? Obsession was his middle name, Paul Obsession (what was his last name?). (See Philippians 3:7-8, 1 Cor. 2: 2)

I guess my obsession has to find a balance somehow without losing its momentum or passion. But, on the other hand, I don’t have to be obsessed about being balanced, do I?

Confusing? Obsessedlutely! What I do know that is crystal clear: God has gripped me with His dream for my life, and my response cannot be anything other than obsession…

Offer your families as a living sacrifice.. Koreans 12:1

I recently had a dinner conversation with two seasoned pastors, both first generation Korean Americans. They began to share their ministry experiences and the lessons that they have learned. It was almost like war veterans boasting of their battle scars. One thing led to another and they began talking about how they neglected their families, especially their children. I was intently listening to their stories, listening for some shade of regret. ‘If I could do it all over again, I would spend more time with my family…’ Unfortunately, I did not hear that. On the contrary, it seemed to me like they were proud of the sacrifice they made and were grateful that God took care of their children while they took care of God’s children. Of course they wished they did things differently, but they also acknowledged that this was an unavoidable result of ministry.

I was listening. I was humbly trying to take in the lessons, knowing that my limited ministry experience cannot possibly stand up to theirs. However, I keep hearing one question that kept repeating in my head with every word they spoke. ‘Does it have to be that way?’ To me, it seems that God doesn’t call us to sacrifice our families at the altar of ministry. To me, if I can’t raise my son to be a man of God who walks with Him as he fulfills God’s destiny, then I can’t do that for anyone else. Not in a real sense. I can’t disciple anybody if I can’t disciple my own child! It seems so obvious to me that I was dumbfounded with where this conversation was going.

Am I missing something here? Is this a cultural issue? Is this a generational issue? Am I really off? Because to me it’s a no brainer!

Sure I understand the busy schedule of a pastor. I understand the sacrifice that is necessary by the family members. I understand that ministry is not just about the husband or the father, but the whole family is committed to ministry. But I do believe with resourcefulness and creativity, I can still have a godly fatherly influence over my children. In fact, I measure my (and anyone else’s) success in ministry based on how they have ministered to their children. Sure there is God’s grace, and often His grace is despite of our efforts or lack there of. However, His grace is toward the children, not toward us. His grace does not excuse our irresponsibility and misplaced values.

I have always thought that being the best father and husband is to pursue God’s destiny for me. But part of God’s destiny for me to be the best father and husband I can be. Even with my greatest effort, I need the grace of God to come through.

I have been a father for 6 1/2 years. My greatest sense of fulfillment in ministry is when I have connected with my son concerning spiritual truth as I put him to sleep at night. No amount of accolades from church members, no growth in numbers, no working of power even comes close when it comes to my own sense of fulfillment in ministry. Is something wrong with me?

Re-thinking church…

I believe so much that God intended church to be a transforming agent in the world.  So much of church (myself included), however, is so stuck on themselves that they are unable to see the world outside.  I must admit that my view of pastoral ministry has always been to take good care of the church folks who are heaven bound.  This view has been affirmed and reaffirmed by my training, senior leaders, and other pastors that I have seen.  And then one day…  one season… pondering the growing discontent within…  wondering what in the world is wrong with me… with the world… with the church… I realized that I had missed the obvious.  As traditions and expectations carried me along this journey called ministry, in my futile attempt to fit in, live up to, and press forward, I have missed the obvious.  I was running a race never intended for me by God.  My narrow thinking informed by tradition, expectations, and culture had demanded that I run this race.

I was at the mall yesterday, just roaming around until my daughter fell asleep in her strolling and until my wife finished her Black Friday shopping with my son.  I came across this really cool clothing store called “C28″ (www.c28.com).  The image that captured my attention was one of the clerk praying for a customer smack in the middle of the store.  I had to take a double-take.  It was obvious that making a sell was not his priority.  I took a panoramic view of the store full of Christian graphic T-shirts and such which made me aware of their target age group, and then I saw that age group dispersed throughout the store, many of them either in conversation about their faith or in fervent prayer with one of the clerks, very few intending to make a purchase.  I went in and felt the pleasure of God!  With each step, I felt infused with supernatural energy that begin to impassion my inner man.  I could not help but to adhere to a voice within that whispered “This is church!”

What is church???

I am at church right now.  There are people just few steps away from where I am sitting who are frantically preparing to have church tomorrow.  Praise team is practicing their five songs during the service making sure that transition is smooth musically and thematically.  Our secretary is trying to get the bulletin ready so that people doing church can know what goes on in the church.  Pastors (myself included) are preparing for their rhetoric for tomorrow so that people coming to church may leave church with some words of encouragement.

What is church???  Which church am I supposed to pastor???  This is an ongoing dialog that I am having with myself.

To be honest and transparent, I am reacting to a complaint that couple of the church folks made about my neglect of the people in the church, that is to say, their own kids and husbands.  I could have given so much data that would prove otherwise, but it really does not matter, because in a way, they are right.  I did not and do not want to expend my energy on people who do not want to be here.  I am more concerned about people that want to be here and how I can get them to not be here and be present… really present… heart and soul present… in the malls… businesses… workplaces… coffee shops.. flea (black) markets… gas stations… frozen yogurt stores (?)…  neighborhoods… homes…

Which church am I supposed to pastor?  This is an ongoing dialog within…

Craving to give

I was reading Malachi and this one sentence really arrested my heart.  “I am not pleased with you,” says the Lord Almighty, “and I will accept no offering from your hands.” - Mal. 1:10

This brought chills down my spine.

I was going over the story of Cain and Abel with my son the other night.  After our story, I put him to sleep.  As he was turning over to sleep, he started to cry.  I asked why he was crying, and he said that God was speaking to him.  He said that God was asking him questions about the bible and that if he could not answer Him correctly, God would be angry and punish him.  I guess I under-emphasized God’s grace in that story.

What is it about man that we have a deep craving for our offering to be accepted?  When we offer the fruit of our hard labor, we want others to appreciate it, whether it is an A on the test, a creative solution to a problem, or a percentage of our hard earned money.

Since I read the passage above, I have been trying to pinpoint why I was so arrested by that verse and why the thought of not being able to offer God anything of value brought fear into my heart.  I concluded that we have a need to bring offering to God.  That is why Cain and Abel brought offerings to God long before God demanded it from them (at least Bible doesn’t specify that God demanded an offering from them).  Giving offering was the very first human activity to God.  There is a deep craving woven into our soul to offer God something of value, not only to please Him per se, but to satisfy our own soul cravings.  The problem is that many of us have not awakened to this craving.

I wonder how many people (myself included) are living unsatisfied, substandard life because they have not awakened to this soul craving to give to God our best offering.  So much of giving has been done grudgingly, not knowing that it really brings deep, profound joy into our hearts.  To be sure, giving is for His pleasure, but He is so generous that our greatest joy is released into us when we please Him…

Post-Charismatic!?!

I just finished reading Post-charismatics? by Rob Alpine. Until I read this book, I have always considered myself to be a left-brain charismatic with brief but profound right-brain moments. Now, I believe I am a post-charismatic. Not anti-charismatic by any means. Not a charismaniac. But a post-charismatic, a charismatic minus the weirdness-for-weirdness-sake. I understand that there are times when the Holy Spirit comes on you and He tells you to do some “weird” things, that eventually results in spiritual fruit. There are plenty of “weird” prophets in the Bible, but their weirdness always had a prophetic impact. However, what I see among some charismatic folks is that somehow the level of weirdness has become the measuring stick for their Spirit-filled-ness.

I have been to many charismatic meetings where I have been profoundly touched by God and even had some “weird” manifestations of the Holy Spirit. However, it took me many years to be comfortable and even celebrate my intimate-but-no-strange-manifestations-like-everyone-around-me moments.  As a post-charismatic, I value the intimacy that is experienced through the very presence of the Holy Spirit that often leads to holy tears rather than holy laughter, the resulting courage to face the difficult challenges in my life rather than pray their supernatural disappearance, and the power that comes through confession of weaknesses and meek dependence on His Power rather than shouting motivational speeches to yourself.

I am all for continuation of the full manifestations of the Holy Spirit, but I cannot help but to be little concerned at what is going on within the charismatic movement.

Can Heroes sit Idle?

I am currently in Orlando on vacation, hoping to fly home tonight unless Fay decides to interfere with my life. This has been the longest break of my life. I have enjoyed this break, especially spending much time with my children. However, to be honest, I am a bit restless. I am trying to keep my mind occupied with reading, planning, dreaming, meditating, praying … But how long can a man sit idle?

I am reminded of my last sermon, that we are created to work because working is a reflection of God’s nature.

I am really excited about our “From Zero to Hero” series. More I think about a Christian’s life in the world, I am convinced that we are called to live heroic lives. Heroic lives as defined by God would be ‘to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8).’ Justice and mercy have been long ignored by the Church and humility has been imposed upon others through oppression and authoritarianism, not born out of ‘walking with our God.’ Taking up glocal (global-local) causes of injustice, poverty, and inhumanity is a vital part of our Christian discipline that has been ignored in conservative evangelicalism. I, for one, do not remember ever hearing a sermon on Christian’s responsibility to end global poverty or AIDS epidemic during my formative years. The Church for the most part has stood on the side of judgment on these issues, which compounds the problem. We need a new breed of evangelicals who are passionate about what God is passionate about. We need to champion God’s causes in every sphere of our culture rather than simply strengthening the Christian bubble that we live in. Easier said then done? Yes, but as Heroes rise from their idle state and start living heroic lives, I believe we can make a difference. I am hoping that we can be inspired to do so with this series.

Dreams… a page from God’s Scrapbook

It is 7: 30am on Sunday morning, and I am ready to head out to church. For some reason, I got ready earlier than usual, but as usual, I am preoccupied with God’s prophetic word to our church this morning. We are going through a series called “One Thing,” and I will be preaching on Psalm 62:10-12 this morning. We began this series because of the prophetic passage (Luke 10:38-42) that was given to our church at the Grace Retreat. The prophetic message is that God has called us into a season of one thing, just to sit at His feet and listen to Him. This word came to me while I was planning.. dreaming about “many things,” some out-of-the-box things that we could start in our ministry. It isn’t that God is not approving of these ideas, but that He is showing us the steps. He first wants us to adore Him, to know His heart, to be addicted to His Presence and abandoned to His praise. It is good to be led by the Lord.

This morning’s message is on the one thing that God has spoken and two things that David heard, that God is strong and God is loving. The question that is lingering in my mind is ‘why would God prepare us with these two truths about Himself?’ What is ahead of us that we need to be founded on God’s strength and His love? God is calling us to this One Thing, to sit at His feet and listen to Him, and One thing that He is saying to us and two things that we are hearing is that God is strong and He is loving.

When I connect the dots, I cannot help but to get excited/anxious/fearful of what is ahead of us corporately and personally. Could it be possible that all the visions and prophecies concerning our church and its missional calling in this region and the world are true? Could it be that the daydreams I was having during class last week were actually pages from God’s scrapbook?

Orthodoxy… Orthopraxy… Orthoparadoxy…

If orthodoxy (right doctrine) is the gift of the evangelicalism and orthopraxy (right practice) the gift of the liberalism, then orthoparadoxy (right tension) is the gift of the postmodernism. Many evangelicals criticize the emerging movement (conversation) for their lack of orthodoxy. Ortho-ly (rightly) so. But in their haste to label this movement, evangelicals consider them to be bunch of liberals with hair color that God did not originally intend and dressed in graphic t-shirts, jeans, and enough body piercings to cause anyone a knee-jerk wincing reaction.

However, I believe the greatest gift of the postmodern Christianity is the concept of orthoparadoxy, a term that I recently learned from a Jewish postmodern thinker. I believe truth in Scripture presents itself in paradoxes. Not in everything, but in more things than modernistic Christianity would like to admit. While I am not ready to abandon my orthodox beliefs, I do believe paradoxes are to be embraced rather than feared. We must celebrate the “both/and”-ness of Christian faith. Evangelicalism tends to present it as contradictions (”either-or”), thus forcing us to choose between the two. Inevitably, when paradoxes are understood in the framework of contradictions, it causes undivine divisions. This is what we saw in the evangelical world. We have Calvinists and Arminians; baptists and presbyterians; continuationists and cessationists; post-, a-, pre- tribulationists/millennialists; so on and so forth…

These dividing walls are now being deconstructed and reconstructed within the framework of orthoparadoxy, resulting in inclusivity among various Christian traditions. So, now a liberal mainliner can work comfortably beside a conservative evangelical and vice versa, all in the name of orthoparadoxy, devoid of any wincing (to shrink back involuntarily (as from pain), from Merriam-Webster).

Now, this may make some evangelicals little uneasy. It did to me (I winced). Perhaps, balance is called for. But this is a typical response from an evangelical.

I am still wrestling through how I, as a Bible believing, Jesus loving Christian, reckon with these three orthos of faith…

Any thoughts??

Entering the blogosphere…

Long overdue…

Why am I blogging? Well, I need to organize my thoughts, for one. I have many things running around in this big head of mine, and I need a place to organize them in a stream of consciousness sort of way, where things don’t have to make sense… where I don’t have to run spell checks… where my fresh off the beehangee-ness can be accepted.. perhaps even be appreciated by another corny FOB-in-denial living in the blogosphere…

My thoughts will mainly consist of God, family, and church/ministry, all of which are blessings that I can’t live without.. but can also cause confusion/stress/worry/insanity (especially church and ministry). I figure this is free and going to a shrink costs $$. So we will see if this therapy works..

My goal for entering this world is to honestly share my thoughts… my values… my beliefs… my life…

Perhaps, start some conversations… hear some opinions… form some thoughts…

Well, until next time…