Offer your families as a living sacrifice.. Koreans 12:1

I recently had a dinner conversation with two seasoned pastors, both first generation Korean Americans. They began to share their ministry experiences and the lessons that they have learned. It was almost like war veterans boasting of their battle scars. One thing led to another and they began talking about how they neglected their families, especially their children. I was intently listening to their stories, listening for some shade of regret. ‘If I could do it all over again, I would spend more time with my family…’ Unfortunately, I did not hear that. On the contrary, it seemed to me like they were proud of the sacrifice they made and were grateful that God took care of their children while they took care of God’s children. Of course they wished they did things differently, but they also acknowledged that this was an unavoidable result of ministry.

I was listening. I was humbly trying to take in the lessons, knowing that my limited ministry experience cannot possibly stand up to theirs. However, I keep hearing one question that kept repeating in my head with every word they spoke. ‘Does it have to be that way?’ To me, it seems that God doesn’t call us to sacrifice our families at the altar of ministry. To me, if I can’t raise my son to be a man of God who walks with Him as he fulfills God’s destiny, then I can’t do that for anyone else. Not in a real sense. I can’t disciple anybody if I can’t disciple my own child! It seems so obvious to me that I was dumbfounded with where this conversation was going.

Am I missing something here? Is this a cultural issue? Is this a generational issue? Am I really off? Because to me it’s a no brainer!

Sure I understand the busy schedule of a pastor. I understand the sacrifice that is necessary by the family members. I understand that ministry is not just about the husband or the father, but the whole family is committed to ministry. But I do believe with resourcefulness and creativity, I can still have a godly fatherly influence over my children. In fact, I measure my (and anyone else’s) success in ministry based on how they have ministered to their children. Sure there is God’s grace, and often His grace is despite of our efforts or lack there of. However, His grace is toward the children, not toward us. His grace does not excuse our irresponsibility and misplaced values.

I have always thought that being the best father and husband is to pursue God’s destiny for me. But part of God’s destiny for me to be the best father and husband I can be. Even with my greatest effort, I need the grace of God to come through.

I have been a father for 6 1/2 years. My greatest sense of fulfillment in ministry is when I have connected with my son concerning spiritual truth as I put him to sleep at night. No amount of accolades from church members, no growth in numbers, no working of power even comes close when it comes to my own sense of fulfillment in ministry. Is something wrong with me?

~ by wonsukdo on January 23, 2009.